How your value system directs your life
This article aims to empower you to experience more personal success and inner freedom.
It is the first of a series on how you heal from emotional suffering that may have troubled you for years and how you may create new circumstances for yourself.
For many years my inner dramas controlled a lot in my life. I was not aware that my feelings were causing havoc in my life. I often wondered what was wrong with me and what I was doing wrong to deserve being bullied at the office or never recognized for my results that I had worked so hard for.
I certainly was not aware that my ways of reaction towards other people and the circumstances in my life had their offspring in emotional habits — which I had the power to change.
A Wake-up Call
Have you come across Joseph Campbells’ Heroes Journey model? Just think of Luke Skywalker from Star Wars or Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit.
The beginning of every journey gives you the chance to seriously grow as a person. And that they all begin with the wake-up call. That is the incident that brutally pushes you out of everyday life…
One day I found myself shouting and crying in the office around 20 of my colleagues. I was frustrated. Nothing seemed to work.
Everything was wrong. The project and the circumstances of it. The impossible customer and our management.
A sweet colleague drove me home.
My hands were shaking.
I could not think straight.
I had experienced burnout.
I was so ashamed of myself.
As you can imagine, I was full of self-criticism and gave myself a good beating.
Later, I got back on the horse and continued working on the same project, for the same customer. Then I got the second wake-up call.
Long story short. Listen up and show up for yourself. That is essentially the message. Unfortunately, it takes several wake-up calls for most people to get it.
As it did for me.
Where Do We Go Wrong?
It has to do with our value system. Which is about all you feel is right, safe, and true to you.
In my case, and many others, I valued diligence and hard work giving service to the customer. I took pride in the monthly paycheck.
There is nothing wrong with this. No judgment.
The problem was that I prioritized my work, the customer, and my pay before my health and family.
In those days, having the right job, living in the right neighborhood, driving a good car, and so on was what I chose before my family and myself. Most of us grew up thinking that way.
Again, there is nothing wrong with this.
Set Your Value System Up to Serve You
Change your value system to help you be more successful in your career, in your business, and personally.
As you can imagine, having hard work as one of your primary values will most certainly lead you directly to more hard work.
Because easy work and fun is not hard work, therefore it is not valuable. Plain and simple.
Laughing, having fun, being in flow energize us. We overcome more, tend to make healthier choices, work towards our zone of excellence or genius.
Of course, this is not congruent with the most common value that says: You need to work hard to be successful.
Now is the time to do things differently. Now is the time to shift the values that help us create abundance and growth in another equally effective way.
Should you decide to make a different choice and go for a realignment of your 5 top core values, then learn below how you go about this and why it works.
Your Permission to Change is a Must
Simon Sinek is famous for his “Why”. It is no doubt important to know why you want something to change. But it still will not get you anywhere if you have not permitted yourself to act.
The gap between you being aware of a needed change and the permission to act on it is often not recognized. And this leads to all sorts of suffering and bad choices.
- You may feel bad but not knowing why
- You may become grumpy without knowing where it comes from
- You may act less polite and appropriate with your boss and then…
You may think that the decision you make and the choices you take are all fine and good, but then nothing happens. You do nothing.
What is wrong…?! Good question.
Your value system must support the changes you want to make. Otherwise, your subconscious cannot permit you to act. Your feedback is feeling bad.
Ask yourself these questions: Do your values support the “Why”? What stands between you and your desired change? What does it take for you to permit yourself?
Other People Have No Say Regarding Your Value System
Therefore, you are the only person to be held responsible. Truthfully, this is only fair and square. After all, this is your life.
I get it. In your family, you have always thought in this particular way, talked about certain things. You have ways of talking to each other, earn money, and so on.
You see, this is what we learn: If we do not behave according to the rules of conduct, we are bad people. Go to your room, no supper for you tonight. Our allowances disappear.
Well, you got it. Our subconscious got it: When you do bad things, you are not worthy of connection.
But the thing is. You. Are. Worthy.
You are free to figure out what you think is right and wrong. You are entitled to do what you want to earn a living. Your thoughts are yours to think. The same goes for your feelings and what you want to experience.
You will always be the one to live through the consequences, good or bad. So, why not own the freedom this gives you. You do not owe anybody anything. But you are responsible for yourself and your choices.
How to Set Up Your Value System to Best Serve You
My experience is that it is the feelings and the energy behind our wishes that are our innermost wants.
So we want the experience of walking into our new house. We want to feel close connections with other people.
Here is a step by step guide. The process is simple. However, not always easy. And it may take you some time to implement.
Please be very honest with yourself.
- What do you want?
- Why is it important to you?
- Which values lie behind this wish?
- How are you acting out this value in everyday life?
- Does this or these values serve your best interests?
- Will another set of value better serve you?
- Who will you become when you act these values out in everyday life?
This new person you will become, do you like you?
- Notice your thoughts without judgment
- Notice your feelings and feel them through
- Ground and take deep breaths
- Start over until you are satisfied and like the person, you will become
This mental training prepares you to walk your talk with confidence.
Prepared Yourself for Change
If you do not change your value system, no change you try to develop will last. It is like saying, I want to go right while your inner rule book tells you to go left. It certainly gives us one explanation for why new year resolutions seldom last more than a couple of weeks.
We need to know and accept that change is a double-edged sword. Destruction and creation go together.
If you want to build a new home, you have to tear down the old one. New values replace the old ones. When you go for the new you, you have to leave the old you behind.
Change is all about your learning, doing, resting, and playing in entirely new ways. You will have more energy. New experiences will come your way. Most importantly, the change will have you relate to people in other ways.
Then your life will most certainly look and feel different. What is otherwise known as the Law of Attraction.
So, to the above questions, you need to add: What am I ready to release?
Honor Your Subconscious Self
When we work with our subconscious, we must acknowledge how it works and learns. The subconscious learns from repetition which is very different from the conscious mind.
It takes about 21 days to lay a new foundation for changed behavior and around 40 to cement it. Therefore, you must find a way to record your new program. Your new habit bases itself on your values.
Here are some actions that will help you do that:
- Write a small manifest you can read out loud to yourself every day.
- Create sentences (affirmations) you can say to yourself every day in front of the mirror.
- Just begin doing it and praise yourself for it — every day.
Please remember, any change will feel awkward in the beginning until it has become your new habit.
Almost immediately, you may start to notice the change. It will begin in your thought patterns, then how you feel, and then your actions.
Your actions create your new circumstances.
Be patient with yourself.
Blessings to the new you.
